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About Deviant Member George M.E.Male/United States Recent Activity
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  • Mood: It's Hot
  • Listening to: Cheese Cake - Station
  • Reading: Murakami, Haruki - The Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki
  • Watching: Kiseiju
  • Playing: The Evil Within
  • Eating: Home made bread
  • Drinking: Grape fruit sparkling water
"I am a writer."

I found myself saying this at work a couple of months ago, and it was a statement that weighed on my mind. Shortly after these words left my mouth, I was taken aback. What the hell was I even talking about? I hadn't written anything since 2011, and here I was making this absurd claim?

Before I get too much further, I want to add the disclaimer this is going to be kind of a long pointless rambling mess to just get some stuff out of my head. Skip to the bottom to get to the point.

Maybe this was something I lost sight of over time, and it triggered this strange sensation that has been sitting on my chest. So, here I am, trying to come to terms with the question: "What the hell am I?"

Let me recap what life has looked like since my last bit of activity:

  • June 2011    
    • I left my current (previous?) job behind, and started working somewhere else. I thought if I started working somewhere less.. I don't know, soul sucking? I could get my head straight, and slack off while I re-prioritize my life. I chose another call center, and thought if I kept a low profile I could just coast along while making money.
  • August 2011 - February 2012
    • I realized I'm not good at keeping a low profile. My best attempt at keeping a low profile was to respond to an e-mail from a manager giving a critical and arrogant analysis of the training class I attended when starting employment. I figured: "If I behave like a douche bag, management will ignore me."  The reality? I get put on the fast track, tasked with starting the escalation team, establishing escalation guidelines, and account credit/debit procedures.
  • February 2012 - December 2012
    • I am what you could maybe consider successful. Over this period of time, I come to deeply regret every joke I told about people being crushed under successes in work and their professional life. Every joke I told at the expense of some psychologically scarred business man was completely unfounded and ignorant. I went from being a lowly Tier II rep, became a staff supervisor, and finally settled into the role of what could loosely be considered the learning and development *department* (Me being the sole member and responsible for the learning and development for our Washington operations.)
  • December 2012 - Current
    • The months spent dedicating myself to my profession have been equal parts humbling, eye opening, rewarding, and soul crushing. I definitely am not as arrogant as I used to be, and I am being forced to recognize my limits, and recognize what I want/need to do with my life. I used to think: "If I get some business degree and make a living in corporate America, I'll make money and be happy." so I have dedicated myself to learning tools that could be helpful in corporate America.

So, we come full circle in this meandering summary of adult angst and self loathing: I am a writer. I am creative, I have good ideas, and I am doing a disservice to everyone by applying myself in a field in which I have proven I am good at, but have zero desire to work in.

So, let's give some context to the conversation that took place that twisted my delicate psyche.

I found myself with an odd bit of down time, and got talking to a couple of the supervisors for the call center. The exchange had three main participants:

  • Myself
  • 'Sasha'
  • 'Chen'

Chen: "What are you guys doing this weekend?"
Sasha: "We might go to Forks, I have friends in town who are huge Twilight fans."
Me: "Hmm? Is that still a thing? I thought it was pretty fashionable for everyone to hate on Twilight these days."
Chen: "That's only on the internet, G."
Me: "Movies aside, the books were pretty bad, for multiple reasons.."
Sasha: "Like you have any room to talk.. Is it because it's not Chinese?"
Chen: "Japanese, Sasha. The stuff he likes is Japanese."
Me: "Personal preferences aside, I'm an aspiring writer - and I think even I can put together a more coherent and compelling story than Stephanie Meyer."
Sasha: "Well, let me know when your fanfics get published."

Now at this point, I had the inclination to make some haughty claim that I wouldn't need to because she'd see my name everywhere. As I said, I've been humbled at this point. I bit my tongue, changed the subject, and went on about how I was going to throw a dinner party and try my hand at making Chawanmushi.

tl;dr

I want to write again. I want to be creative again and start being just a little more true to myself. I think my mental and professional health will benefit from me just trying to write again.

So what does that mean? Probably nothing. I've made empty promises before about making some grand return. Don't expect anything from me. I could just decide to up and delete this whole thing tomorrow, we'll see what the future holds.

Thank you to at least one person out there who wished me a happy birthday every year - it should be obvious who you are.

And also thank you to everyone who read my previous work, commented, liked, and left me on their watch list for no real reason.

deviantID

Ama-no-Kagaseo
George M.E.
United States
Interests
  • Mood: It's Hot
  • Listening to: Cheese Cake - Station
  • Reading: Murakami, Haruki - The Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki
  • Watching: Kiseiju
  • Playing: The Evil Within
  • Eating: Home made bread
  • Drinking: Grape fruit sparkling water
"I am a writer."

I found myself saying this at work a couple of months ago, and it was a statement that weighed on my mind. Shortly after these words left my mouth, I was taken aback. What the hell was I even talking about? I hadn't written anything since 2011, and here I was making this absurd claim?

Before I get too much further, I want to add the disclaimer this is going to be kind of a long pointless rambling mess to just get some stuff out of my head. Skip to the bottom to get to the point.

Maybe this was something I lost sight of over time, and it triggered this strange sensation that has been sitting on my chest. So, here I am, trying to come to terms with the question: "What the hell am I?"

Let me recap what life has looked like since my last bit of activity:

  • June 2011    
    • I left my current (previous?) job behind, and started working somewhere else. I thought if I started working somewhere less.. I don't know, soul sucking? I could get my head straight, and slack off while I re-prioritize my life. I chose another call center, and thought if I kept a low profile I could just coast along while making money.
  • August 2011 - February 2012
    • I realized I'm not good at keeping a low profile. My best attempt at keeping a low profile was to respond to an e-mail from a manager giving a critical and arrogant analysis of the training class I attended when starting employment. I figured: "If I behave like a douche bag, management will ignore me."  The reality? I get put on the fast track, tasked with starting the escalation team, establishing escalation guidelines, and account credit/debit procedures.
  • February 2012 - December 2012
    • I am what you could maybe consider successful. Over this period of time, I come to deeply regret every joke I told about people being crushed under successes in work and their professional life. Every joke I told at the expense of some psychologically scarred business man was completely unfounded and ignorant. I went from being a lowly Tier II rep, became a staff supervisor, and finally settled into the role of what could loosely be considered the learning and development *department* (Me being the sole member and responsible for the learning and development for our Washington operations.)
  • December 2012 - Current
    • The months spent dedicating myself to my profession have been equal parts humbling, eye opening, rewarding, and soul crushing. I definitely am not as arrogant as I used to be, and I am being forced to recognize my limits, and recognize what I want/need to do with my life. I used to think: "If I get some business degree and make a living in corporate America, I'll make money and be happy." so I have dedicated myself to learning tools that could be helpful in corporate America.

So, we come full circle in this meandering summary of adult angst and self loathing: I am a writer. I am creative, I have good ideas, and I am doing a disservice to everyone by applying myself in a field in which I have proven I am good at, but have zero desire to work in.

So, let's give some context to the conversation that took place that twisted my delicate psyche.

I found myself with an odd bit of down time, and got talking to a couple of the supervisors for the call center. The exchange had three main participants:

  • Myself
  • 'Sasha'
  • 'Chen'

Chen: "What are you guys doing this weekend?"
Sasha: "We might go to Forks, I have friends in town who are huge Twilight fans."
Me: "Hmm? Is that still a thing? I thought it was pretty fashionable for everyone to hate on Twilight these days."
Chen: "That's only on the internet, G."
Me: "Movies aside, the books were pretty bad, for multiple reasons.."
Sasha: "Like you have any room to talk.. Is it because it's not Chinese?"
Chen: "Japanese, Sasha. The stuff he likes is Japanese."
Me: "Personal preferences aside, I'm an aspiring writer - and I think even I can put together a more coherent and compelling story than Stephanie Meyer."
Sasha: "Well, let me know when your fanfics get published."

Now at this point, I had the inclination to make some haughty claim that I wouldn't need to because she'd see my name everywhere. As I said, I've been humbled at this point. I bit my tongue, changed the subject, and went on about how I was going to throw a dinner party and try my hand at making Chawanmushi.

tl;dr

I want to write again. I want to be creative again and start being just a little more true to myself. I think my mental and professional health will benefit from me just trying to write again.

So what does that mean? Probably nothing. I've made empty promises before about making some grand return. Don't expect anything from me. I could just decide to up and delete this whole thing tomorrow, we'll see what the future holds.

Thank you to at least one person out there who wished me a happy birthday every year - it should be obvious who you are.

And also thank you to everyone who read my previous work, commented, liked, and left me on their watch list for no real reason.

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Comments


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:icontheeforsakenone:
TheeForsakenOne Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2013  Professional General Artist
Happy Birthday. I do rather miss you. :noes:
Reply
:iconama-no-kagaseo:
Ama-no-Kagaseo Featured By Owner 14 hours ago
Feels good to be missed. ^^'
Reply
:icontheeforsakenone:
TheeForsakenOne Featured By Owner 14 hours ago  Professional General Artist
Good. ;p
Reply
:iconama-no-kagaseo:
Ama-no-Kagaseo Featured By Owner 14 hours ago
Holy crap. >_> Didn't expect such a quick response.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:icontheeforsakenone:
TheeForsakenOne Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2012  Professional General Artist
Happy Birthday. :wave:
Reply
:icontheeforsakenone:
TheeForsakenOne Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2011  Professional General Artist
Happy Birthday. :nod:
Reply
:icontheeforsakenone:
TheeForsakenOne Featured By Owner May 3, 2010  Professional General Artist
:poke:
Reply
:iconmrj0:
mrj0 Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2010
Hey there. I know this is going to sound kind of weird, but I saw an old post of yours on a forum asking about a song from the anime Beck. It was regarding a band Chiba likes called Generation 69. I noticed that you never got an answer on the forum so I though I would provide what I have been able to dig up. I believe the song is Immortality Electric Man by The High-Lows. I haven't been able to find the song online, but the band looks and sounds similar. I know this is a weird way of contacting you about it, but I was not a member of the forum and am not looking to join another forum. Anyway, if you find a link to the song, I would love for you to send it my way.
Reply
:iconama-no-kagaseo:
Ama-no-Kagaseo Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2010
Dude, I was actually recently thinking about this, too. xD Nice, thanks for the tip, I'll see if I can dig it up. If I can I'll send it your way for sure, because I've always wondered who that song came from.
Reply
:iconmrj0:
mrj0 Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2010
So not a problem. I was just rewatching Beck and wondering the same thing. Now I've might have found it but can't actually find the song.
Reply
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